Surrender

Surrender

I have been going through some heavy and complex life circumstances.  We all are from time to time, we wouldn’t be human without them.  After years of struggle with a particular relationship and related situation, it finally brought me to my knees on 4/6/19.  Here is the wisdom that came to me after spending time reflecting alone at the ocean.  

I feel like I’ve been chasing a balloon that got away from me. I’m jumping, sprinting, and screaming for it to be in my grasp but it keeps blowing farther away.  I keep exhausting myself trying to get it back in my hands so I know it’s safe, thinking that the more I try the closer it will become, but the more I try the more I deplete myself.  When is it time to stop chasing? When is it time that I stop and watch the balloon fly away? Surrendering to the fact that I am powerless over this situation.  

I decided to stop and watch the balloon leave me.  Tears flooding my eyes and acceptance flooding my heart.  Allowing for reality to set in and for the universe to take over.

What happened next as I left the sea air, is the feeling of no longer fighting with what is.  I stopped controlling.  My energy and attention dove inward, into what I was in control of, myself.  Immediately afterwards a complex conversation started by the person who triggers me the most. I listened without being hijacked and new realizations filled my consciousness.  I came to realize that once I decided to accept, it unlocked a door that has never been opened.  This door to wisdom, connection, unconditional love, and my voice. Speaking and listening without attachment but with full conscious awareness of what was going on in my inner world.  The universe was showing up for me and finally able to heal wounds that were marinated in venomous energy for decades.  I am being healed what I thought was un-healable.  I am able to have a new relationship where I can show up with more awareness and acceptance.  As I said good-bye to my beloved balloon, a new chapter filled with continued healing and growth can now begin.

~Becky Hesseltine